Packing,etc: what I would do differently if there is a "next time"

There are a million and one things I could blog about, and have thought about blogging about.  Like how wonderful it is being a parent, how terrific our children are, how relaxed I am being a parent, and, what it was like for them to re-unite (more on that later), etc.   But tonight, I wanted to take a few minutes to write about what I would do differently if I could do it again, and the little things that we did and wouldn't change....from packing to asking more questions.

Like many families, we over-packed.  Seriously over-packed.  I had a rather large, red suitcase filled with toys, games, coloring books, books, stickers, little dolls, hats, sunglasses, bubbles, matchbox cars, glow sticks, etc....and it wasn't really touched.  Most of the stuff was the same sorts of things I brought in one of the donation bins.  I was able to hand much of it down, but it took up a lot of space.  Bottom line, our children came from nothing, and anything more, especially during this transition, is too much.  Keep it minimal.  If you are adopting older children, a small backpack with a few goodies will do.  They didn't touch any of it on the plane.  They were too busy looking at the movie screen :) --  Emirates was a great airline...good food, lots of movies for kids, and they even handed them each a kid's pack on the flight.  Which leads me to my next point.  I wouldn't use Susan Parr Travel again.  Our story is a long one; however, our agent was borderline rude, apathetic, and not apologetic when she lost the seats that we had paid for.  Yes, we paid for them, and then she lost them when she was trying to make a change.  2 days before travel, we didn't have seats on any flight, but they had our money. 

I mentioned donations, and I think we did pretty well here.  We had one tote for the baby house, and one for the big kids house.  Now, for what I would do differently.  I wouldn't bring the tote out for all to see.  It was mayhem!  Kids pushing, shoving and shouting....not a good scene.  Take things out a little at a time.  They loooove bubbles, so I would have brought more bubbles, and they need building blocks (big legos, etc).  They were a big hit with the kids.   We brought 5 baseball hats, and ended up giving to them to the older, older kids (the children we see week after week on the Waiting Child listing).  I am so glad we did! 

We brought something "special" for each of our children.  They were rather inexpensive Timex children's watches, but they meant a lot to M & B.  We brought them every morning for them to wear, and took them off at night (they readily gave them back to us), and when we returned every day, we would give the watches back to them. 

As for packing, I would have packed more clothes for colder weather.  If you travel in June and July, it is rainy season, and they don't call it "rainy season" for nothing!  I only packed one sweat shirt, and I wore it every day!   Next time, I would bring a few, and leave them in ET.   There were a few families that did just that....they packed clothes that they were ready to give to Goodwill in the U.S., and rather than bringing home their clothing, they handed clothing out to various people in the street.   I am ashamed that I didn't do the same.  I came home with my clothing, when I should have left it.   If there is a next time, I am packing my suitcases full of clothing that I will leave behind. 

And the one thing I forgot to do, and really shouldn't have forgotten, was to pack a change of clothes in our carry-on for the trip home.  Poor little B threw-up about 2 hours in to our 13 hour flight from Dubai to JFK....all over everything!  And there wasn't a thing I could do about it except to take the shirt off my own back, which was exactly what I did.  Thank goodness I was wearing a tank top underneath that day.  It wasn't until we arrived at JFK, made it through immigration, customs and security that my Mom was able to buy her a new t-shirt.  She was such a trooper!!!

Don't forget your snacks!  Especially if you have a 7 hour car ride to their village like we did.  And, bring a couple extra water bottles.  We brought 4 or 5 boxes of granola bars, and they definitely came in very handy!! 

I read mixed suggestions about bringing pens for the children.  Some people did, others say don't do it, it only starts a fight.  Driving through the National Forest, pens were the only thing that the children wanted.  They didn't want money, only a pen to write with.  Our driver told us that if we did have them with us, we would have had to have thrown them out the window, otherwise, the children may proceed with pelting the vehicle with rocks. It could start a child riot.  Guess its a "catch 22'.....I mean, "pens?"   I could have brought a few hundred......

On our trip to our children's birth family, I wish I asked our driver to stop along the way, to take better pictures.  I was in such a rush to get home and see our children, I didn't want to continue stopping along the way.  But looking back, I should have taken more time to stop and smell Ethiopia. 

I wish I had asked the hard questions.  Several families had told us not to hold back, and to ask their family whatever we wanted to know.  I had planned to.  However, when you are there, in that moment, I felt that some of the questions I wanted to know would have been almost disrespectful, especially in front of younger family members.  I would never intentionally be disrespectful, but, I did feel myself holding back a little.  So, my advice, ask what needs to be asked.  Ask the questions your children will ask you about one day. 

I wish I had talked to the nannies more about M & B, about their personalities, likes and dislikes (it didn't take long to figure this out on our own, but it would have been nice to get their perspective).  It was hard finding time with the nannies that spoke English well enough to have this discussion......

And lastly, I thought I had done well with my shopping, but looking back on my purchases after I returned home, I wish  I had bought more Ethiopian items for my children.  Today, they really don't care about anything "Ethiopia," but tomorrow may be a different story.

With all of the "I wish" statements, we did a LOT of things right though!  I am proud of us.  We are parenting.  Its not all easy, but I will hold to my earlier postings, its a lot better than I thought it was going to be.  I am a more relaxed parent than I ever thought I would be.  I feel like I have been a Mommy for years, not 5 weeks.  Its amazing how quickly everything falls into place.....the hardest part is.....the wait.  By far.  So, if you are waiting, hang in there....it only gets better :)