First, it was "What do you want from me?"
Then, "I love it when you lie."
And finally, "I want to be a billionaire, so freakin' bad."
What was I suppose to do? I tried not to laugh, to completely lose it on our kitchen floor, so instead, I responded "so does Mommy."
I think it is one of his favorites, because that wasn't the only time we heard this lyric coming out of his mouth. And his sister's favorites:
"Hey soul sista, hey there mista mista" and
"Baby I like it." What exactly does she like anyway?
And now for the Mommy for the mommy "oopsie" (or as Muse says, "oospie"). Doug and Muse went to lunch and to hit golf balls, so Biskut and I went to lunch with an old colleague of mine, and then did a little shopping. First, we went to Macy's, where she picked out a new outfit for pre-K. A bling, bling Hello Kitty jean jacket and jeans to match. Very cute for a 4 year old. Then, off to the Disney store where she picked out a pair of bling flip flops and a fake cell phone (our kids love anything that makes any sort of noise). So we picked out something for Muse from the clearance table (sorry kid!).
I made the mistake of thinking he would be excited. Wrong! He saw her "cell phone" and broke down. I should have known better. I am not sure if it is the same for other families who adopted siblings, but, for ours, it is all about being fair. If they each have a glass of milk, we better be darn sure there isn't an extra sip in Biskut's cup, and if they are eating chicken nuggets, we better be darn sure that if he has 5 on his plate, so does she. They will examine the meniscus of the liquid and the glass, and they *will* count every nugget on their plate, and if they had a measuring tape available, they would measure their piece of corn on the cob. And, I am not even kidding here. So, back to the cell phone. I let him cry, throw a mini fit, and then I gave in. Yes, I took him in the car to Toys R' Us so we could find him a cell phone that talked back. We found one, got in the car, and he looked at me and said, "Mommy, I like it. Thank you" and then blew me a kiss. Ugh, the kid has me, what can I say? Buying the phone to appease him was something I never wanted to start doing, but I chalked it up to him not understanding yet. In a few months, it won't work, but it does now. Unfortunately, this lesson was learned after the preceding shopping trip. He saw her jean jacket hanging in her closet, and the same thing happened 24 hours after the first "incident". And I responded the same way. I am not proud of myself for giving in. I would love to hear how other families have handled similar situations in the first couple of months home. I was honestly surprised by his reaction. I don't know why, but I never thought he would want a toy phone or a Hello Kitty jacket :)
They continue to crack us up, and do things that are just so endearing. He adds "eee" at the end of every word. Hot-ee, shirt-ee, excuse-ee me, sock-ee, Uncle Brian-ee...its so darned cute! And Biskut wants to be a mommy's helper. Yesterday, I was on my hands and knees, cleaning our hardwood floors with a sponge and a little Murphy's Oil, and she asked to help (actually, they both do this). I let her help me....I felt bad, and told her repeatedly "all done!" and she kept saying, "no, more water!" Tonight, she spent a solid hour braiding my hair. I brought a little doll with long hair to ET for her to play with, and that is when we noticed that this tiny, petite little girl knows how to braid hair. Truly amazing.
Its been such a fun 6 weeks together. I am not at all saying that every minute has been filled with joy, happiness and laughter, but its close.
Accra Time
So glad to hear that things are continuing to go well. Do you think that b/c they are sibs and had eachother their transition has been a little easier, less scary, etc? I will be very interested to hear how school goes for your kiddos, what grade will Muse be in?
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like their language skills are taking off and I wish I had some advice about how to handle the fairness issues =) I guess I would do my best to keep things as "fair" as possible until they have enough language to understand...? Maybe at least you can get Muse to understand "not now, later" so you aren't having to run out to the store each time he gets upset =)I'm sure right now everything is still so new and it's hard as parents to understand how the kids are attaching meaning to such things as "Biskut has a new cell phone and I don't" Who knows what Muse thinks that means right now...! Oh, thanks for getting back to me the other day. I think I just needed a little time and talking through the whole age thing! Thanks!
What a great update - so glad things are going well for you guys!
ReplyDeleteCount yourself lucky that they only want what the other one has - for the longest time (and still sometimes now) Elfe thought it wasn't fair if she didn't have exactly the same stuff that *I* had! This included having the same amount of food on her plate, being able to stay awake at night as long as I did, and lots of other stuff...
Hoping to see you guys at the WHFC gathering on the 20th, we'll be there!
Amy, Teshale added eenie to every word at first too. Mom-meenie was one of my favorites! He doesn't really do that any more, except that last night he did actually say "hotee." Regarding equality in stuff: We have a 16 year old and a 12 year old who we still have to be very careful about making sure they get the same thing (only in different colors so they know whose is whose). However, they have learned that if they complain that someone else got more pie/cake/whatever food item is in question, they will lose some of what little they have to the other. I think it took doing that once to get the message across, and it dramatically reduced the whining/complaining. etc. at mealtime. I would wait until you are securely bonded to try that. I think you'll know when it's time. It'll be when you can't take it any more! Be prepared for a major meltdown the first time it happens, but it really shouldn't take more than once or twice, tops, and will prevent years of arguing!
ReplyDeleteBest to you all, Karen and Sean
Probably not what you want to hear, but the competitiveness thing is still going strong around here after a year. Everything gets counted, measured and compared - and it drives me nuts! I think part of it is inevitable when 2 kids are very close in age. Part of it is that having things of their own is still a relatively new phenomenon. And no doubt part of it is still insecurity about whether they are both loved equally.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad about the way you've handled it. We've often done the very same thing, especially when language was still a big issue. We try to be careful now, either giving B&N the same (or equivalent) things or else to being preemptive and explaining very carefully when one of them gets something (or gets to do something) that the other doesn't. Still, it's a constant challenge.
I am not at my computer much these days but I have been following your blog via my Blackberry (where I cannot leave comments, arrrgh!). So glad you guys are doing so well!
ReplyDeleteOur boys are much younger but we definitely have seen some of these things. They had zero interest in toys in the beginning but would run off with our phones, remote controls and car keys when ever they got the chance! Thankfully they don't know how to count nuggets yet but they do want to make sure they get the same of everything. They are learning how to share more each day so it's getting easier but they came to us with a "survival of the fittest" mentality, which I am sure is a result of being in a room with 15 other toddlers for 10 months!
For future reference, once things are more established, it's good to remember that there is a big difference between being fair and being exactly equal. My mom made a big deal of everything being equal, and I have to admit that, as a result, my brother and I were counting the jelly beans in our Easter baskets well into our 30s. :)
ReplyDeleteWith our two, we decided to focus more on being fair. Sometimes, I come across something in the store that girl #1 will love and adore, something she will carry around for weeks and months. And I know that it won't hold up that much appeal for girl #2. She might love it for an hour, but then it'll end up at the bottom of the toy box or under the bed. I'll try to see if I can find something that #2 will like as much, but if I can't, I just bring home something for one girl. I remind the one who didn't get anything about the last time when I brought her home something without bringing something home for sister (and I do make sure the ratio is roughly similar), we talk about not acquiring stuff just for the sake of acquiring stuff, needing vs wanting, etc. They're only 3, so we keep it relatively simple.
So far, it seems to be working pretty well. Sometimes I'll be out with one girl and we'll see something her sister would just go bonkers over, and we'll discuss getting it and the girl who's with me will sometimes say she doesn't need anything. "Maybe next time, Mama." That's not to say there aren't tantrums. Even with language and understanding, there are still tantrums!
We just can't see trying to run around making everything exactly equal; even as twins, everything's not going to be completely equal. One's feet sometimes grow more quickly, but they don't both get new shoes unless they both need them.
I remember that, for me as a child, it became only about what I didn't have in relation to my brother, not about what it was that I WAS given. Sure, there was a satisfaction knowing that he didn't get a Matchbox car without me getting one, but I never played with them! Also, as I learned once I was out in the world, things are not equal in this world. They should at least be fair (even though I know they aren't sometimes), but they sure aren't equal.
I hope we get to meet you at the picnic!
Okay, I now have that billionaire song stuck in my head, thanks to Muse! It sounds to me like you are handling things in an appropriate manner. I imagine with time and adjustment to American life things will relax a bit (with the equal stuff), but if not, you will find a way to help them understand.
ReplyDeleteHi honey, I have to admit that Biskut's cell phone is pretty cool and thinking back, I bet that you and your brother would've wanted your very own too! Don't worry, in time, they'll learn that they can't always have the same things(or even want the same stuff!) Hugs, Mom
ReplyDeleteSmiling! It sounds like fun, Amy! Sibling jealousy and all.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to weigh in on what's "fair." My two kids are 2.5 years apart, and for a long time, I was the one who was trying to make everything fair. If I got something for one of them, I'd get something for the other one. However, it was never the same and I always ended up messing it up. Finally, I came to the conclusion that things just aren't fair and this is probably a good lesson for them to learn. Sometimes one of them gets something the other doesn't. But next week, it will probably be the other way around. After about a year of this, they've finally stopped asking, "what did you get for me?" I'm not saying it's a perfect system, but you'll drive yourself crazy if you're always trying keep things even.
ReplyDeleteKristin
Waiting 6 months for siblings (so I'll have an even harder time keeping things even!)
We have had to learn these things early with our oldest two: Mark is lactose intolerant. We eat things as a whole family and we will tell him "Mark, you can't have that." No 2 year old wants to hear that all the time. I try to have alternatives for him and after time, he rarely throws a fit. That is SOOO hard. I could see something like this getting worse with time instead of better if you give them what they demand. I am not saying I wouldn't be in your shoes, it's hard one!! We hope to go to the picnic too, even though we aren't WH folks. We just want to see everyone. :)
ReplyDelete