Baby Evan, etc.

Last week, my brother's wife had a baby.  I am an auntie!  Baby Evan was born Friday, December 10th at 10:52am weighting 6lbs 7ounces.  Do you know what this means?  My parents went from 0 to 3 in six months!  And, they get to enjoy actively doing things with M & B, and get to cuddle with an infant.  Not a bad way to end the year.  We took the kids to see Baby E last weekend.  They knew that Auntie Meg was pregnant, and Uncle Brian was going to be a daddy, or at least I think they understood.  When walking up to Brigham & Women's Hospital in Boston, Muse looked and shouted, "Whoa, house big!"  Uhm, no Muse, this is a hospital.  We made our way through security, and up to the 10th floor to meet the new baby.  Biskut had a bit of a cold (I cleared it with everybody before we arrived), so we didn't want her touching him (such a tease)....she really wanted to!  We took a bunch of photos and I think she managed to wiggle her way into every single one of them, even ones that were of Meg and her friends. 

After seeing Baby E, we went and visited with Little A.  They always love seeing her, as she loves seeing them.  We went to the playground at dusk, and it gave the kids a chance to run around and blow off some steam! 

So, something happened at school yesterday, something that I could not have prevented.  Biskut shared her story with her pre-k class.  The sad, sad part of her story.  We talk about it at home, and during story time, she apparently stood up and shared her very personal story.  Kids were crying, teachers were crying.  Her classmates were concerned that what happened to Biskut could happen to them, too.  I think the teachers had to use their counseling skills a little that afternoon.  I'm sad for M & B.  But, she isn't holding it in. 

One of the questions I get, almost daily, is "how is their English coming along?"  I think they have made incredible strides over the last few months since starting school.  I wonder how "fluent" they are in comparison to the other "older" children who came home in Group 95.  I can share my observation with you.  When you adopt a single child ~3 years and older, the child is "forced" to learn English quickly in order to communicate with his/her family, peers, teachers, etc.  When you adopt siblings, and 1 sib is under 3 years of age, I think that the 2 children learn English fairly quickly as well.  The youngest probably didn't have a solid first language foundation, so if the older sib wants to communicate, it is through English.  However, when you adopt two "older" children, both have a solid first language, and can continue to communicate with one another for as long as they choose.  Our children haven't completely lost their first language yet.  Sadly, they speak to each other on much more rare occasions in Sidama, and use English now about 95% of the time.  I expected they would have lost it sooner.  I am glad they didn't, and wish they would keep it indefinitely.  I don't think Muse wants to speak Sidama at all, and it is Biskut that attempts to use it more often.  When she tries, he looks at her and shouts, "WHAT?"  I recognize, with this said, that every child is different, and each sibling group is different.  This is my observation based on our experience and speaking with other families.

The kids continue to say very cute things, sometimes spot on, sometimes completely out of context.  Most of the time, very literal.  We went to dinner last weekend to a busy Acton restaurant, and when walking in the door, Biskut saw all of the people waiting, and shouted "Party?!"  Sorry Biskut, its not your birthday yet.  Last night, after putting Biskut to bed following a 30 minute tickle match between the  two of us, she came back downstairs to try to talk me into going back up to bed to sleep with her.  I responded rather simply and said, "Biskut, Mommy's busy trying to get things done."  And Biskut replied, very matter of fact, "I am busy too."  It was oh so cute.  Both continue to speak in the 3rd person fairly frequently, or speak in the first person and the third person.  For example, Muse always says when he likes something, "I like it Muse."  These are the things that are so endearing, that are so darn cute, and I hate to correct (so I don't). 

We are ready for Christmas, it will be so cool to see their faces on Christmas morning.  I am not sure they understand what they are in for on Christmas morning.  This Christmas comes with some mixed emotions.  I have been thinking a lot about Tamirat this week.  It was one year ago that we consulted with an expert at Yale, that I spoke to several families who adopted waiting children, and when we wrote our email to WHFC saying that we had made a decision to move forward in the match process.  And it was Christmas Eve when we shared our exciting secret with our families.   I am still sad, I still mourn, I still cry,  and yet I have two beautiful children one year later to celebrate this joyful holiday with.  I am grateful, very grateful, and I am sad, very sad.  Only now, I can tell you I am much more happy than sad.   Thank you M & B! 

Reflections

I have been wanting to write this post since Thanksgiving, but the time continues to get away from me.  Today was our 6 month home visit, albeit a couple of weeks early.  We will finally be able to start the re-adoption process, but not until after their next medical exam in January.  We will have some information gathering to do, in order to change both of their birthdays.  One look at them, and it becomes blatantly obvious that their birth years are incorrect.  As they would both say, "c'mon!"

Over Thanksgiving weekend, Doug and Muse finished putting the lights up around one of (okay, our only) tree.  As I watched Muse, smiling and laughing with delight over his "flashlights" (this is what he calls all of the Christmas lights around the house), I got to thinking.....I started thinking about how different their life was one year ago.  I picture them running, giggling, jumping over streams, singing and dancing in the gorgeous, lush, green fields of Arbegona.  I believe that they were happy.  I also believe that they were hungry.  Their lives changed dramatically 5 months later.  Their lives turned upside down, and would never, ever, be the same.  I admit, I forget this sometimes.  I see their smiling faces, and I forget what our two little people had already endured in their short lives.  It saddens me.  It saddens me that sometimes I do forget. 

Unlike some children their age, they don't talk as much, or ask a lot of questions about their family.  I think part of it is that they do have a solid memory of who they are and where they come from.  Is that a blessing that they have their memories to hold on to?  I hope so.  I bring up their parent's names frequently.  I want them to know that we want them to feel comfortable sharing with us.  Biskut is beginning to tell us more about her birth parents, while Muse appears to be blocking it out, by avoiding dialogue all together.  He may interject once in a while, but he just isn't ready to talk about it, and I don't want him to if he isn't ready.  I can only hope that he isn't repressing his feelings, I want him to cry if he needs to cry.  In retrospect, I think the grief that we saw came in the first 2-3 weeks of being home.  But it wasn't what I expected.  They would cry, but the cries were usually provoked by something or somebody.  I can count on one hand how many tantrums lasted 45 minutes to an hour.   I wonder if the grief will come in cycles.  I wonder if the grief won't return until adolescence.  Frankly, I don't know what to expect.  Does anybody know what to expect, whether their children are biologic, or adopted? 

Their personalities are starting to rear their ugly beautiful heads.  Biskut is a sassy little girl, but oh, so funny and so damn adorable.  Her conversation with her Daddy last night went something like this:
Biskut: Daddy, water, BIG glass.
Daddy:  No, Biskut, time for bed.  You've had too much to drink already (note: this is part of the child stall tactic)
Biskut:  Daddy, pleeeeeeeaaaaase
Daddy: Ok, Biskut, little water (aka, giving in)
Biskut:  Daddy, listen to me.  I said BIG water.  Are you kidding me?  I don't think so.  I don't understand!

Yup, little Miss Sassypants.

And Muse, another character.  Loves to slap my butt and tell me that I have a BIG BUM.   We can turn Muse's frown upside down in about 2 seconds.  Doug is very good at that.  Muse could give us attitude one minute and be laughing hysterically the next.  We can snap him out of it easily, which I am pretty grateful for.  I can't imagine having a crabby Muse around all day, every day.

It has been such a joy to parent them over the last 5.5 months, to see them grow (and grow they have....oh my goodness how they've grown), attach, love and bond to us, and we to them.  I love watching them open the refrigerator, never having to worry about not having food and when their next meal will be.  To see their faces light up when I bring them home new socks, or a new pair of shoes.  To see life through the eyes of children, my children. There is nothing like it in the entire world.  Oh I love them so.

And to reiterate what our social worker told us this evening, "You hit the jackpot with these two."  We certainly did.

This about sums them up!