Sleepless.....

I can't sleep.  I keep thinking about our Ethiopian adoption.  This week has been bittersweet.  While at the airport, heading to Philadelphia, I received a couple of emails about families passing court.  Bittersweet.  More than likely, we would have been passing with them.  We are happy, actually, very happy for them....its was just one of many moments I will have throughout the years. 

I was straight-out this week, which was a good thing (less time to think about our adoption).  I was able to give Doug a call early in the week during my meeting, to check in and see how everything was going at home.  He told me then that he had read about Ethiopia requiring 2 trips rather than one.  Although I believed him, I figured it must be for families with other agencies, not with our agency.  Then the email came.  Confirmed.  I wasn't sure what to think.  I wasn't expecting it.

I have more mixed emotions.  I am sad for our children we have yet to meet, and the loss that they are going to endure.  We chose Ethiopia for number of reasons, and one very important one was that we would have only 1 trip.  It wasn't so much for the financial reasons (although, the financial part is not insignificant), but because I didn't want to meet my children and then say "good-bye" for an indefinite period of time.  It will break my heart, yet again.  My heart has broken once already, and this is setting me up for another heartbreak, albeit temporary.  I understand, whole heartedly, that this is for the good of the children, and I give credit to the Ethiopian government for recognizing it, and for doing something about it.

I am sad for the families who were looking into adopting from Ethiopia, and now, may decide not to.  I am very sad for the families who have been in love with their Ethiopian adoption, only to have to go on "hold" until they can figure their financial situation out.  I can't even imagine.  We have some time, to save as much as we can before our referral and then while we wait to travel....twice.  And for that, I am grateful. 

I still have lots of questions, as do all of the other waiting families in the many Ethiopian programs.  What does this mean, exactly?  Who needs to be present at court?  If its the birth family, will our birth family visit coincide with the court date?  How many weeks do they expect btwn court and obtaining their visas?  Will the guest house be available to families during their court week visit?  Will we be able to meet our children?  If the children aren't transferred to the transitional care house until after court, what will that mean for us?  We will have to be told when our court date is....so how much lead time will we have?  What happens if we don't pass court, then what?  Will there be additional efforts to ensure that families don't fail court?  Do they expect additional delays in getting these dates, ie, will wait times after referral only get longer?

I am sure I will think of a dozen additional questions before our agency's call.

But for now, I should really try to get some sleep.