Sharing Our Sadness...

It will be 3 weeks tomorrow since Tamirat's death.  We are still receiving flowers and cards, emails, and postings to our blog.  It warms our hearts knowing how many people care about us, and, understand that what we went through and continue to go through is very real.   Even very recently, I have been in touch with 2 additional families who experienced the same loss after referral.  It is a double edged sword.  You don't want to meet the families, because it means that other families have endured the same pain that we have, yet, we know that we are not alone.  I now think that this may occur more frequently in Ethiopia, due to the severe malnutrition than in other developing countries....or, it seems that way to me right now.  Many people have asked what our next steps are.  We aren't 100% sure, yet....We have an appointment this Friday with WHFC.  I know, more than ever, that I will be an anxious mess, and I will need extra support from our agency, family and friends next time around.  I am wondering how I can possibly survive the next referral to wait to travel?  It was during our wait to pass court and travel that we got the news that will forever change our lives, and the path that we are taking.  Yes, the path will be changing.  I know, in my heart, that I can't do the infant thing again.  One, I can't see us waiting almost 2 years to bring home an infant, and right now, I am not sure if I can handle the possibility of his or her fragility.  Two, my heart was ready for Tamirat.  Only Tamirat.  So, our request will be changing.  Plan A, when we first began this process many months ago was to bring home siblings.  Therefore, we are going back to Plan A.  It makes sense for us.  It makes sense for me.  And, as my brother told me the night Tam died, "because of Tam's death, another child (or children) will get a chance," and with that, we will get another chance too.  I share this with you in both sadness, and for the first time, with joy.