Things I'm Scared of.....

I am scared that in 10 years, our little boy will be angry that he is adopted, and that we took him out of his birth country.  I am scared that he will have questions that I can't answer, or, that I don't know how to answer.

I am scared of baby boy's past.  We know he has been through a lot, more than any 6 month old, or any human being, should ever have to.  It makes me sad.  But, he looks happy, and that makes me happy.  I cannot wait to meet him, hold him, and give him a kiss.  That much, I know I can do. 

I am scared that our wait will be loooong......way too looooong.  I have been really good so far, its been 3 weeks, and I have been keeping really busy.  His room is finished, our Visas in hand, travel immunization apptment scheduled, pictures gathered for birth family photo book, lots of shopping done, but, what happens once I have crossed everything off my list?  Will I be scared of that too?  On the hopefully bright side, I figured out today that there are 17-19 families "ahead" of us - referrals in hand, waiting to pass court.  They did warn us that court appointments do not necessarily go in order....so....we shall wait.....

I am scared of PAD (post adoption depression).  My friend laughed, she thought I was joking and didn't know that PAD is very real.  Its real, and I hear about it a lot.  There are women who have waited years to have children, finally adopt, only to find that she doesn't have that immediate connection that she dreamed of having.  I can't imagine not falling in love immediately, but that isn't always the reality.  You jump right into parenthood, and after a long, long, trip back to the US, you feel drained, both emotionally and physically.  Often, you, and your child, come home sick.  Not the greatest of combinations.but it helps knowing that we are not alone.  I hope, and pray, that I can avoid PAD!!

Okay, now something that I am not scared of.  Getting more pics of baby boy!! Yes, 4 more beautiful, happy pics of baby boy came our way today.  In one pic, he looks like a baby, and in the next, a little boy!  He is filling out quite a bit.  I sent the update to his IA doctor, along with a little concern from a traveling family.  He will be a-ok, he is just a little weak still (I would be too, if I went through what he did).