Oh My Goodness!!

...its been a long time.  After the first day of school, I was packing Muse's lunchbox, when he looked inside and exclaimed "Oh my goodness!"  Since this is a phrase that we typically don't use at home, we knew that he learned it at school.  Success! 

I never intended that several weeks would pass between postings, so I guess it goes to show how busy we have been.  I will continue to say that our children are extraordinary, and more resilient than I could ever be.  Parenting is still exhausting, and there are those moments where I think how on earth are we expected to do this 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for basically the rest of our lives.  And the answer....one day at a time.  They are loving, caring, sensitive, amazing, active, funny children.  I am sooo enjoying being home with them.  I didn't think I would dread going back to work, but I am.  Three weeks left....

The past 10 days have been filled with anxiety for me.  No worries, the kids are fine.  My sweet Abbey(dog) collapsed last Wednesday night (we thought she had a seizure), and it happened again early Thursday morning.  We brought her to Tufts Vet School immediately, where she was admitted.  Worst case, she had a brain tumor.  We got a call Thursday night with some "surprising" news.  During her neuro consult, she collapsed again.  Only it wasn't a seizure....she fainted.  They knew right away that this was a cardiac issue, so they put an EKG on her, took her for a walk, and it happened again.  The verdict?  3rd degree heart block.  Her AV node wasn't firing off as often as it should be.  She needed a pacemaker, as it is a life-threatening condition.  To top it off, she had a urinary tract infection, and, during one of the fainting episodes, she likely aspirated and she developed a wicked pneumonia, essentially overnight.  She was put into an oxygen cage, and due to the severity of the pneumonia, they wanted to insert a temporary pacemaker until she recovered a little.  That was Friday night.  Then on Sunday, after my visit, she managed to dislodge it.  Monday morning, a permanent pacemaker was surgically put into her heart.  Truly amazing what they can do these days.  Her platelets dropped to a scary low level, but luckily bounced back this Friday. That would have been a disaster if they didn't come back up. She is now home and looks alert and happy. It seems like a lot to put a dog through, but the surgery is less invasive than being spayed.   Abbey saved me many times, and it was time for me to do the same for her.  Somebody said to me in the Tufts waiting room that it obviously wasn't her time, and my response, "it wasn't my time."  I love her to pieces.....

Muse celebrated his "first" birthday this past week too.  His birthday theme was "Spiderman," complete with a Spidey cake and balloons.  I will add that he would have been so happy with just cake and balloons, he didn't need any gifts (of course, nobody could hold back).  Seconds before blowing out his candles, he grabbed his sister so that she could help him blow out his candles.  We weren't sure how to handle celebrating a birthday only 2.5 months after coming home (especially with an Ethiopian sibling), so we wrapped up a few gifts for Biskut too.  He was beaming when we all sang "Happy Birthday", twice.  He couldn't believe the gifts, even though we didn't go crazy overboard (kids these days have way too much stuff, and I personally would rather they have a few things that they would actually use than baskets full of toys and stuff they would never touch).  I think his favorite was the $50 bill from my stepdad (of course, he had no idea how much money it was).  He grabbed it and went running around the house, screaming in delight.  Then he took my stepdad and Mom upstairs to count the money in his piggy bank.  A little while later, while I was chatting with my stepdad, he mentioned all the money Muse had already.  Hmmm, he had a $5 bill and some coins.  I guess that was impressive?  Then he went on to say that the had a couple of twenties.  What?  Where on earth did he get $20 bills for his bank.  Ahhhhhh.  The little devil "stole" Mommy's money off of her dresser, and I didn't even notice!  Although I got a kick out of it, it is a seriously lesson that will need to be taught very soon.

They both started school on August 31st.  I am not sure who it was more difficult for, Doug and me, or M & B.  We thought we did a decent job of preparing them.  Biskut went to pre-K with me twice, to hang out for a bit and get to know her teachers.  Muse met his teacher, and we brought him to the school a few more times.  I went to speak to his teacher privately, to kindly try to help her understand that Muse isn't like every other kindergartner (which she tried to tell me).  Here is a little boy who has been through tremendous loss....so I basically told her to take the anxiety that most 5 year olds feel on the first day of school and multiply that times 1000, and that may be what Muse is feeling.  He didn't have enough language for us to fully explain that we would be coming back for him (we explained, "wake up, pajamas off, brush your teeth, eat, school, home, eat, bath, pajamas, tv, bed many, many times before the first day).  We brought him to the open house the day before school started as well.  Biskut was a-ok, but Muse had tears running down his cheeks.  Normally, they don't let parents drop their children off inside the classroom, but they made an exception for us on the first day.  We recognized right away that he wasn't being included!  As a vocal mom, I spoke up and asked her to please include Muse, since he doesn't understand, "open up your book bags, and take out your lunchbox, and raise your hand if you are buying lunch today."  I mean, c'mon.  They were all sitting in a circle, Muse was standing up, and her back was turned against him.  UGH.  I nearly freaked.  We left the classroom, went home, and I told Doug that this may not be a good idea.  Maybe he needs more language skills before we leave him at school.  He agreed, we went back to school, and sat down with the principal.  She went to check on him, and reported back that he was happily playing.  She strongly suggested to us that we give them a chance (I never told her what I saw).  We obliged, left the building, and saw him running out to recess, playing with the other kids.  The bottom line, "school is good."  He likes school, thank goodness.  The first couple of days, he fought us a little bit, but he seems to understand the routine now.  So, for all of the families who told me that putting him in school was probably the best thing for him, thank you.

Lastly, without saying too much, I wanted to comment on a recent thread about ethics in Ethiopia on the WHFC board.  I will stand by WHFC, and say that I think they are doing the best they can from the US side to ensure ethical practices in the abandonment of children in ET.  I can also tell you that Doug and I have a VERY unique situation, that has only happened less than a handful of families (I am not referring to Tamirat's death, although we were rather unique from that standpoint as well).   Our children's personal situation has actually given us the opportunity to compare stories with another family who had a family visit with our children's birth family.  And honestly, the stories don't completely match.  Do I think they were trying to hide something?  Absolutely not.  WHFC can only go on what they were told, and if they weren't given all the information, I can't blame them.  As many families have already stated, WHFC permits birth family visits, and the recording of these visits.  They allow us to ask the questions that we want answers to, and the questions that we think our children will want answers to.  And for us, that is what we needed.  We heard the "why" and the "how" directly from their birthfamily.  It wasn't just a piece of paper.  It was the emotions, the tears, and the love that told us that their family thought relinquishment was best for their children.  That was what I needed to hear, from them, and I honestly can't say that if I read it on a piece of paper, that I would feel as comforted.  I still have questions, I will always have questions, and I suspect that M & B will too, but without the family visit, I don't think I could sleep as well at night.