Surreal

Two weeks ago today, Doug and I embarked on our journey to Ghana, to meet our little girl, L.  We didn't know what to expect.  We didn't feel nearly as prepared this time around as we were for our first adoption.  I am not sure why that was, especially since all in all, we waited more than twice as long for her referral than we did for our two Ethiopian children.  Wouldn't that mean we would have twice as long to prepare, both mentally and physically?  Or maybe it had something to do that once you have children at home, you are so busy with them, that you really don’t have as much time to think and dwell on what is about to happen.

We arrived at Logan Airport.  As our driver (thanks Groupon!) dropped us off at the curb, the attendant rushed over to tell us that the late flight to London was cancelled.  All I could think was, “are you flippin’ kidding me, we have our court date in 36 hours?!!!”  We raced to the counter, and the agents were able to re-route us to Iceland, Iceland to London, London to Accra.  Exactly what we wanted to avoid and why we paid more for our flight to begin with.  I hate multiple lay-overs.  One is bad enough.  

We made it to London, where our flight was delayed another 5 hours.  Exhausted, hungry, we made the best of it.  We met an amazing woman who, with her Ghanaian husband, started a school for 42 disabled children in the Central Region of Ghana. Time was ticking, and we had to get to Ghana by Wednesday!   Finally, we boarded our flight and arrived just after midnight Wednesday morning.  Thank goodness for the sweet American woman and her husband, who kindly drove our tired selves to our hotel, where staff was waiting for our arrival. 

With 3 hours sleep, we awoke Wednesday morning.  We were able to see our hotel in the daylight.  It was set right on the ocean.  I wasn't kidding when I said Ghana was so different from Ethiopia.  So incredibly, marvelously different.  I fell in love with Ghana, just as I did with Ethiopia 2.5 years ago.

I will share more details in additional posts: our first meeting, my confession, our Ghana experience, etc., but what I wanted to say here is how surreal this all feels. We are the PARENTS of a little girl in a distant, far-away land.  We are not her primary caregivers.  We don’t know what she is wearing today, if she is happy or sad, whether she is hungry, or what she will eat today.  It is one of the worst feelings….ever. We wanted L to come home on an IR3 visa, therefore, we made the decision to travel and meet her prior to going to court (we could have had our POA go to court on our behalf).  As if adoption isn't hard enough.   We met our daughter, and now, we wait to bring her home with us.  Forever.  I thought I had mentally prepared myself for this stage in the wait, but apparently I didn't do a very good job.  I dream about her.  I wake up sad.  I want her here with us, so very badly.  I want to begin working on bonding, attachment and trust.  I don’t want to wait another week, let alone 3+ months. 

Was this all a dream, because right now, it sure feels like it.  I am in the process of getting our family, our life, ready for a little girl. We met her, we loved on her.  We hugged and kissed her, told her that we love her, but, she isn't here with us. 

Surreal.