Somewhere, I lost my religion. I don’t know where it is, and I haven’t tried to find it. I don’t know exactly where I lost it, but I have been considering trying to find it again.
I am an Italian/Swedish American raised Protestant, Congregationalist to be exact (aka United Church of Christ). With a last name like mine, people were quick to assume that I was a fine Catholic girl. Catholic, I was not. I loved my church growing up. It was small, quaint church in your typical small New-England town.
I liked what our church stood for. We were permitted to be our own person. There was no such thing as "confession." If you did something that you were not proud of, you were expected to speak directly to God, not through a priest. Sex before marriage wasn’t condemned or condoned, and neither is abortion (my old church was considered to have liberal views on social issues). There is no purgatory. Instead, our souls go straight to heaven. We have no Pope. Penance just didn’t exist in the church I grew up going to. There is prayer, but it is encouraged that you speak directly to God, and it doesn’t always have to be from church. My church was simple. You would never find a statue, or a crucified Christ. Instead the Protestants remember that “Christ has Risen;” therefore, the cross is, in fact, empty. In the Protestant church, there are no saints. And we don’t have communion. But I was “confirmed.”
I believe in God. I talk to Him when I need Him. I have loved Him, and I have been really, really pissed at Him.
"My" church stands for everything that I personally believe in. Which makes me wonder, how did I lose my religion?
I think it started with my parent’s divorce when I was 12. My Dad was raised Catholic, and usually preferred not to attend church with us on Sundays. After they divorced, I saw my Dad on the weekends, and decided not to attend church or Sunday school any more. That was 28 years ago. When my grandparents were alive, I would attend Christmas Eve service for many years, and an occasional Easter service. But that was lost on me sometime after college.
I have children of my own, and I want them to be able to make their own choices about God and religion. I at least want to give them options. M & B were raised as "Protestant Ethiopians." I told their father that I would bring them to church. Now, I have to make good on my promise to him. I need to find a church. A church that would welcome me and my two children. Preferably a church in a diverse community, where they have an opportunity to build relationships with other black children and adults in our community.
So, I have lost my religion. And I guess what I am trying to say is that I finally may try to find it again.
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Personally, I like the Unitarian Universalist Church. It's a step left of the typical New England Congregational Church. Not sure how ethnically diverse though. Not so much here.
ReplyDeletePeople I know who've attended Ethiopian church end up loving the experience. Not sure how far you'd have to travel for that.
I've been holding off on the whole Sunday school/church thing for T -- wanted to wait until he's actually going to get something out of it. I think he should go for at least a year or two, just to get a sense of church, but on the whole, I dislike organized religion. I don't believe Christ was the Son of God or that he was raised from the dead or that he's going to save us in any way. I'm not even sure about the God part, let alone a place called Heaven. And our Unitarian church is a haul for us, so I'm probably stuck with a local Methodist church, but I don't like the Methodists because of the Southern branch's stance on homosexuality...such a conundrum, this church thing.
But I think learning about spirituality/having a spiritual outlet can help prevent Santa Claus from becoming one's religion. I think children want to believe in something and if you don't give them God, you're stuck with Santa until they are in 8th grade and you finally have to tell them to give it up -- there ain't no fat man in a red suit bringing presents through the door. And then they tell you that by attacking their belief in Santa, you're as bad as the people who flew planes into the World Trade Center.
So, yeah, I figure I'll give him some rudimentary exposure to the God concept and let him figure out for himself what he wants to believe or not believe.
ok... I admit I thought you were Catholic.. because of your name.. and a lot with WHFC are/were. ;-)
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I decided I should go to church because I have kids, and I hate to admit it but that lasted a few months...... ugh.....
I think the only way to find God can't be just for your kids or it might not last. You have to find your own faith, which can be done with kids. For me, the best way in my life to find God has been to get down on my knees and actually pray out loud. It is a powerful experience and an act of faith to talk as though this being, God, is listening. This has changed my life. The other thing that has been to read the Bible. I prefer the King James version. I once started with Matthew and took notes all the way through. I wrote down what resonated with me, affected me, etc. Going straight to "the source" like this strengthened my faith. I too believe my relationship with God and Jesus (who I happened to believe are two separate beings) does not require a middle man. My prayer does not go to Mary or to a priest. Just to God, who loves me. My faith wavers sometimes, but it helps me and guides so much of what I do. Love to you. Good luck finding the right place for you!
ReplyDeleteReally interesting post, I can definitely relate!
ReplyDeleteNikki
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