Last week, I gave my notice at my current job and accepted a position back where I used to work. It wasn't the easiest decision, but I feel strongly that it is the right decision for my family, and for me. You see, in my current role, I travel quite a bit. I cover 4 states, but used to cover 5. I flew a lot, and it became exhausting. I had a company car. I had flexibility, and a good deal of it. In my new position, I don't have to travel (or very minimal), I don't have a company car and I lost my flexibility....but....I finally have some consistency back in my life. I know when I will be coming and going, and so will my family. Before, I was home one day, gone the next 3, back for a few hours, gone in the evening, and things could change literally overnight....you get the picture. Yes, maybe I am crazy, however, it feels right.
Because the company car will be taken from me, we bought a "new" car last week. We decided on a 2009 Ford Taurus X - a cross between a station wagon and a SUV. We have 2 children and 2 dogs, so we needed that 3rd row of seating if we ever wanted to take our furry friends with us (2 big dogs). We took a trip to Rhode Island over Labor Day weekend, and had to bring 2 cars so everybody, and everything, would fit. So far, we like it, however, I still haven't driven it (its so big!!).
Biskut lost her first tooth in America this week. We tried to explain the concept of the "tooth fairy" with M & B, but we aren't sure they understood (we also tried to explain the concept of "flipping a coin," and whether or not they grasped that concept is still TBD), but what they did understand was that in the morning, they BOTH had money under their pillows (a big thing for our ET children!!). Yes, we are still trying to be "fair," especially since Muse lost a tooth the week after we got home and we didn't do anything (are we mean or what?). He wouldn't have understood, so we are making it up to him now. Then, 2 days after she lost her "first" tooth, she lost a second tooth. SUSPECT!!! I see them trying to wiggle their teeth out now. Yikes! We need to stop this madness!! For the first tooth, Biskut got $5 (Muse $1 -- they only notice that she has one bill and he has one bill), but for the second, they each only received $1. We are getting cheap in our old age. :)
Biskut is going through a "stage." A needy one. At night, she doesn't want to fall asleep unless my arms are wrapped tightly around her (she strategically places my arms). She puckers up, and asks for "kisses" (of course, I willingly oblige), and if at that second I don't kiss back, she says, "Mommy no kiss-ee Biskut-ee?" And I say, "Yes, Mommy kiss Biskut-ee.....I looooooove Biskuteee." She also knows just how to get her way, which is making it hard on Doug and I. She has become an especially picky eater over the past few months at home. We made tacos and corn for dinner last night (something that she loved just last week), and she got very upset because she wanted pizza. Do we give in, or just hold out until she figures out how hungry she is? How long do we hold out? Eventually, I caved and gave her the pizza. For obvious reasons, I would never want her to go to bed hungry. Its definitely a dilemma and I am curious as to how other families are dealing with similar situations.
Muse is loving his mommy a little more every day. He always gave me hugs and kisses, but it was more of a reciprocation than him initiating it. He is starting to initiate the hugs and kisses with me. Even he will say, "Mommy, kiss?" and pucker up. I love seeing the progress, in so many different areas of their lives.
We will be going through yet another adjustment when I go back to work full time. A wonder if the adjustment will be tougher for mommy? I think it will be.
Accra Time
The Art of French Chic in Children’s Fashion
2 years ago
Great to hear that Muse is continuing to bond! That is great news. Sorry little Biskut is being picky and I see how tough it is to negotiate the food issue especially b/c they have only been home 4 months (?) and I imagine their english isn't perfected yet. I guess I would have done the same thing, maybe in a few months when their even more attached and their english even more proficient you can be a little more firm. But at the same time I see the dilemma of setting a dangerous precedent...Oh! What do I know anyway. Hopefully you'll get some great advice from someone who has been there done that =) Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to having a picky eater, Elfe definitely changes what she likes from week to week and sometimes even day to day! I try to remind myself that she's at an age when she doesn't realy know what she likes and food here is all still new to her, so it's entirely possible that she's telling the truth when she suddenly doesn't like something that she did like before!
ReplyDeleteI've also found it useful to to keep in mind that my job is to decide what and when she eats, her job is to decide how much of it she eats (something I read somewhere but am too lazy to find a link for you...). When I ask her what she wants to eat for a meal, I'm letting her do my job for me, and when I tell her how much to eat - three more bites, or whatever - then I'm trying to do her job for her. Sometimes I give her choices - do you want oatmeal or peanut butter toast and yogurt for breakfast - and I often tell her at breakfast what we'll be having for the other two meals that day so she's not surpised and/or disappointed when I put the plate in front of her. We also have some rules - you have to have some kind of dairy at least twice a day, you can't have the same thing for two meals in the same day - so when she whines for something I can usually pull out a rule that explains why she can't have it.
It is tough, especially considering where they come from, but I've realized this past year that most of the food issues we struggle with are mine and not hers! Good luck figuring out how to deal with your own picky eater.
Thanks Meg and Liz for your feedback. It is so hard knowing whether or not I am doing the "right" thing, or what is best for the children. My mom taught me many years ago to give a child 2 choices, both of which are acceptable to you/me. I think I failed last night, because I was only giving her one option, and although I tried to stick with it, I ended up feeling horrible. Thanks again. We need to work on some ground rules a bit more, especially now that they have much better language skills.
ReplyDeleteHi Amy -
ReplyDeleteLove your post. Glad you'll be staying at home more. Fouad's new job is a travel position and we never know where he is going to be week to week!
There is a wonderful book called "I Lost My Tooth in Africa." I believe it is set in Mali and the tradition is to put a calabash/basket outside overnight when you lose a tooth and if you're lucky you'll get a ....... chicken! I found a plastic chicken at Christmas Tree Shop which opens to hold jellybeans (it was Easter). I kept teasing Bereket that he was going to get a chicken from the ToothFairy, instead of money like his classmates, since he was from Africa. Well, he did, with the money tucked inside. Now it is our tradition and even Tsegaye has gotten that chicken!
Happy weekend to you!......Eugenie in Westerly, RI
Mom to Bereket (9) & Tsegaye (6)
I love that you give them both money for losing a tooth! My worst moment as a parent was the night my son lost his first tooth. He was SOOOO excited. I talked to his Kindergarten teacher to find out what the going rate was. Then I COMPLETELY forgot to put the money under his pillow. I told him the next morning that the tooth fairy must not have left the money because we didn't have one of those special tooth fairy pillows. Then I drove all over town trying to find one. It seems like you see those at every fancy boutique...until you actually need one. I ended up paying $35 for one - what can I say, I was desperate!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE Liz's thoughts. There is a fine line between giving in so a kiddo will eat (which I totally understand) and her learning to control you. It might look on the outside like she feels happy she got her way, but really she might be learning that you aren't going to be the adult and she is in charge, which causes stress for kids, even when they think they'd be happy calling the shots. In the long run, she will be happier if you don't give in. I read on someone's blog with an older kiddo who had gone through hunger issues that dinner was dinner, but she always had access to a few healthy snacks, and if she chose not to eat the dinner, she couldn't make mom get her something else, but she could have the trail mix or banana before bed if she was hungry. That way, you aren't bending over backwards, but there is food available. Good luck, this is a tough one!!
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear about your new job and that you will be able to stay home more! I agree with all of Liz's recommendations for the picky eater! I'm happy that Muse is loving on his mommy a little more each day!! Hope to see you guys soon!
ReplyDeleteHi Amy,
ReplyDeleteWith our 5 kids, we are very strict when it comes to dinner. After a busy enough day, I can not make 5 different dinners because all of our kids are in the mood for something different!!! When our girls first came home, they would challenge me at meal time (with full blown tantrums and screaming at times!!!). One day they would enjoy something and the next day refuse it. I definitely think they were testing me and wanted to see who was in control~ The girls have been home since May and dinner time is very peaceful now in our house. We speak with our kids a lot about being thankful for the food we have and we are very careful to set a good example to never waste food. I start each child with a nice size portion of whatever I have made for dinner, including whatever vegetable I have made. If it is a vegetable that I know a particular kid does not like, I will give them a small portion (or even one bite), but I expect them to eat it. If they do not, they can not have seconds of the other things. If they eat the vegetables, then they can have seconds, which they always want!!! Also, when the kids see their sister or brother finish their dinner, it gives them incentive to finish too! I have found that with consistency, this works very well and the kids "get it". I know it may sound strict, but there are so many things kids can have a choice about. As a parent, part of our job is to provide our children with good nutrition. If every meal is a battle, it is very hard to ensure proper nutrition. Our kids enjoy dinner time a lot and have all become very good eaters. We are not quite as strict the rest of the day. We allow controlled choices for snacks (ex. an apple, yogurt, banana or pretzels) I even have the kids help me choose what snacks we will get at the store each week. This way our kids feel like they have some control and have the opportunity to make choices for themselves. For lunch, I will give a choice of what type of sandwich each child wants, but I usually limit it to 2 types. If I am making something like pasta salad with vegetables or soup with rolls, they eat what I have made. For breakfast during the week, the kids each eat cereal or oatmeal before school and they can choose the type they like. No sugary ones, healthy choices. They seem to enjoy this.
I did not mean to go on and on... I just know how hard this can be... I was not very strict with my first son (who is 8) the first few years of his life, and to this day, he is the one who still gives me some trouble at times!!! I think it is very important to set a precedent... If you are comfortable with giving 2 choices at dinner time, then your kids will learn to expect that and that may work for your family. If you would like them to eat the dinner you have prepared, then I would not give in to a different request. It may mean a few nights of tantrums, but you will get through it and it will pass... Your kids will learn, in time, this is one battle they are not going to win!!! Sounds like you guys are doing great! Good luck in your new job! Sorry my post went on and on!!!!
Take care, Michelle Dentico
Hi- glad to hear that you found a job and a car that will work better for your family! It's always nice to hear the lovey stuff like kisses and bonding. Can't wait for that to happen here (as of today we heard we're traveling in Dec!).
ReplyDeleteI'm a chef and although I would be able to swing multiple choices, I agree with what Richard said about setting a precedent. I also like what Liz said about the jobs (being a teacher and all). I think if you allow some choice like Richard does for breakfast and add in the "job" it would seem to work.
Speaking of jobs, looks like I have a month to master injera!
Hi honey,
ReplyDeleteI think you received a lot of good advice :) Being a loving parent is often a tough job, especially sticking to rules when you see the tears begin to roll down your child's cheeks. But remind yourself that you are just being tested, so don't fail by giving in too often.
Not taking charge simply adds to children's confusion. I learned that the hard way! Biskut and Muse already know that you love them unconditionally and any tears or trandrums will pass quickly.
Big hug, Mom XO XO XO XO XO XO